IFS Therapy (Internal Family Systems)

IFS therapy (Internal Family Systems) is an evidence-based psychotherapy that helps people heal the wounds we carry from early childhood. We all have our own patterns and strategies that we use when we are under pressure or in crisis. These strategies were developed in the family we grew up in, where we learned to navigate in order to feel safe, loved, and acknowledged. For instance, if we grew up in a family where a parent was absent, shaming, mentally ill, an alcoholic, or chronically ill, we developed methods as children to protect ourselves from shame, scolding, or feeling alone and sad. These parts of us are referred to as "protectors," and they take care of the younger parts of us (from childhood) that were hurt or traumatized.

We all have different protector parts. For example, there might be a "drill sergeant" that pushes you to go to work or school or encourages you to exercise. There could also be a perfectionistic or self-critical voice telling you that you’re not doing well enough or that you should be better, or a people-pleasing voice that tries to avoid conflicts.

These protectors try to shield you from being rejected or feeling lonely or wrong. They seek acknowledgment because it feels pleasant compared to criticism. These strategies were established in childhood and, at that time, served to protect you from unwanted attention from your parents. However, today, these voices can stress you (e.g., through overthinking), cause sleepless nights, and make you feel like you’re not good enough. The reason these parts become loud is that they sense anxiety or something unsafe. They ask themselves, "How can I avoid feeling the pain I once felt as a child when I was abandoned, rejected, scolded, hit, or when I experienced loneliness and hopelessness?"

When you experience uncomfortable feelings, you’ve likely developed strategies to avoid feeling them. These strategies might include streaming, overeating, gaming, social media, alcohol, drugs, pills, overworking, over-exercising, or sex. In IFS terminology, these parts are called "firefighters."

Firefighters attempt to protect you from experiencing the pain and discomfort you felt in childhood. When you are triggered in an old wound, firefighters spring into action to shut down the pain.

The wounded part of you, often called "the inner child," is referred to in IFS terminology as an "exile." It is important for the inner child to be seen and acknowledged so that, over time, you can care for that wounded child from your adult, mature self.

Since 2019, I have worked with people using this method. Many have reported that it has helped them feel more whole and balanced, even when life brings crises. I have completed all three levels of IFS training and combine it with Somatic Experiencing trauma therapy, which works to create balance in the nervous system, as trauma is stored in both the nervous system and the body.